I’m sorry, Mom, for not appreciating you more …
I’m sorry for not realizing all the pain and struggle you went through, but still kept a smile.
I guess that’s where I get it from.
I’m sorry for, sometimes, thinking you were weaker than you actually were. I know now that you were the strongest woman I ever knew, and happy that I was able to tell you this.
I’m sorry that I didn’t value you the way a child should value their mother … the way YOUR child should … you only get one mama.
I’m sorry it has taken me being a parent to see this … feel this … but most importantly … Understand this!
SHOULDA … WOULDA … COULDA.
We’ve all been there.
I shoulda said this. If I had more time, I woulda done that. I coulda told you whatever, but I didn’t.
Too scared of what you’d think. Too ashamed of who I was. Too proud to let you down.
People, the average person, may wonder, “what is this, that and whatever…” Be patient … This, that and whatever will slowly come to be … the moment I decide to set them free.
A whirlwind of emotion … some too great to relive, some too small to ever forget …
People talk of memories … My memory haunts me with a childhood of decent quality … Yet my soul hasn’t forgotten the pain that has defined me.
I’m so sorry, MOM … for not seeing … for not knowing.
You were a total magician with that “wand” of yours. Was your power so great that it blinded me to believe you were perfect? Then when you weren’t, it baffled me … Where are my magical powers?! Am I not worthy to carry the “wand”?
At times, my own children, whom I would DIE for, have disrespected me … What have I done that I can’t seem to find my own damn “magic wand” to “bippity boppity boo”, and dare I say … make their world perfect?!
BLAH!! Perfect is boring … but “perfect” for them … What am I missing? I’m honest. I communicate. I give GREAT advice, and wisdom, through my own wrong doings, or at least I try.
I’m sorry, Mom, that we didn’t have more time for these questions to be answered …
I wasn’t done needing you!!!
I feel your presence, daily, and for THAT, I am NOT sorry … I am grateful.
We have a bond that could never be broken … even death isn’t keeping us apart. But how I yearn to hear your voice … feel your touch … this … that … whatever … just …
… one … more … time.
My heart broke a terrible break the moment you took your last breath …
06/22/2018 at 1:20pm
I lost more than “just” my mother.
I lost the ONE person whom had ALWAYS been there for me.
I lost the ONE person whom always knew how to make everything “not so bad”.
I lost the ONE person whom always believed in me, encouraged me.
In that moment, I felt I had lost EVERYTHING.
What I gained was … more patience … compassion … empathy … INTUITION …
my guardian angel.
It has taken almost three years for me to realize what I’ve gained, by losing the one person whom I never thought I could live without ….
Don’t be me … realize your worth … realize you can do anything you put your mind to. Realize that while it’s great to have the best support system, ever … there will come a day when all you can depend on is yourself. Take my advice, and …
Know your worth.
JuSteph4All 