I want to openly speak here for a minute … While I try to write on the regular, I seldom post my work on WordPress, and honestly, I’m not sure why. When quarantine first happened, I made a resolution to myself … I was SO, 100% SURE, I was going to organize this, and organize that … I was SO, 100% SURE, I was going to start posting on here again. I was so 100%, sure. I mean, I had two weeks to get shit done. Time that I always complained, I never had. EVER!
I was GREAT, week 1 and week 2, probably 1/2 of week 3, it’s all a blur. I organized the hell outta my downstairs. My living space was finally livable again. Immaculate. But for the LOVE OF GOD … LIFE happens, and when you are now back to preparing (or, at the very least, SUPPOSED to prepare) all three meals, for all three kids, sometimes 4, plus two adults who are trying their DAMNEST to stay on Keto … it becomes a little overwhelming … quite overwhelming, actually. Being able to eat out several nights a week, was very important to this busy go go family.
And, for F’s sakes people … Let’s not forget that we are now teachers, in the literal aspect, to our children. It’s okay … throw any challenge at me and I will try to prevail, and if I don’t, I will go down my hardest, trying. Again … week 1 and week 2 … AWESOME. Amazing, actually. Rock Star Parenting, at its finest. We had a schedule. We did electives. Structure. IT WAS REALLY FUN! Two weeks, right?! We were supposed to be “locked down” … “in quarantine” … for FOURTEEN DAYS!
THAT, is tolerable.
Week 3, week 4, 5, 6 … It became old, real fast. Every. Fucking. Meal. That’s, a lot! Trying to maintain our living space, that I worked so hard at organizing in the beginning, is like trying to vacuum with no bag. Shit. Goes. Everywhere. The End. It’s near impossible to TRY and keep up with my 10 year old. I bow down to the parents that have littles at home, special needs, more than 1 … I pray for you, EVERY DAY! I pray for us all. We all have our things.
Speaking of which … Have I mentioned how much I miss my job?! It, literally, tears at my soul that I am not working with the kids I did. I miss them all. I miss my girl. The kids at school. My friends at work. Marissa misses her friends. Physical contact with other beings, other than those that live in this house. Oh that’s right … Thing 1 has returned home?! It’s okay … the more the merrier, in my opinion, especially during these times. I’m better than okay with it, for I also know, it won’t be forever. Thing 2 is already planning her escape next year … Meanwhile, poor Marissa … STUCK, for at least EIGHT more years!! Insert evil laugh.
I’m seriously ADHD. I get so bored, so fast. I want to do what I want, when I want … I don’t want to organize because that’s what I’m “supposed to be doing” … I want to organize because I want to organize. Having all these “beings” at home, at the same time … all on top of each other, nowhere to go … except 100 Living Room Way, or 55 Kitchen Island … hang a left to the Potty Oasis, where the motto is … “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat … or your mother will hunt you down”, is NOT the ideal situation to start organizing your life. So what happens next, is mind blowing, to me.
Weeks 7 – 10 … Ten weeks … Seventy-something days, we have finally found a “new way” in this “quarantine world”. My youngest has a new routine, a new schedule. Her teachers are fabulous, she is fabulous. She doesn’t need me as much as she did in the beginning, and where I may be a little sad about it, it’s a testament to her awesome teachers for being, well … AWESOME, and for Marissa being equally as awesome, as well. We miss everyone, but we have begun to “re-learn” each other, if you will. That’s the best way I can describe it. When every day is a constant, go go go, you tend to lose sight of what’s really important. FAMILY is what is MOST important, in my opinion, and as much as you go go go FOR your family, the best you can give them, is just by being there with them.
I call my middle child, the perfect child … well, everything except her damn mouth (not sure where she gets that from <insert evil laugh>) … she typically doesn’t know when to STFU. That’s just a cold hard, FACT! I sometimes feel, that she feels neglected. Don’t worry, she’s totally not … it’s just that “self-entitled” mentality that generation seems to have. She knows she is loved. It’s a huge reminder that it SO matters how you raise your children. YOU are responsible for molding the little creature you created, into a responsible product of society. However, you can only lead a horse to water, you cannot make them drink. I feel that being forced to be home, and not on the go, 1000% of the time, has really made a difference, in how that generation of children think. At least I see the difference in my very stubborn, almost 19 year old, daughter.
We are social beings, by nature. It’s okay to miss our friends, what was our old norm … but it’s so beautiful to see a new norm transpiring. It’s like the metamorphosis of a butterfly … starts out cute, goes through some “things“, makes a mess, secludes itself, and comes out this magnificent creature, on the other side.
That’s how I feel with my family.
Having a blended family is hard. I am NOT here to sugar coat ANYTHING! It hasn’t always been unicorns and rainbows, but we have always prevailed. ALWAYS! Getting thrown into a relationship, neither one was really prepared for, but both were completely committed to, had its share of challenges, to say the least. Yes, we have battle wounds, and yes, we have scars, but YES, we have so many MORE sublime memories, which thoroughly out weigh any negative there has ever been, ever. This “new norm” we have been faced with, is a beautiful reminder that family, is all we really need to survive, and thrive, in this crazy world, which we are ALL blessed to live.
Even my husband has been a little more helpful / playful, around the house … a little. Let’s be real, he has (or had) the thought process of, I work and provide … you be mom / wife / maid. He had this … Me Dick. You Jane, type mentality, but not really, any more. As a matter of fact, as I type this … outside my kitchen window, I hear my youngest, and my husband laughing, giggling, washing their bikes, together, chasing each other with the water hose.
“Fun Fact”: That wouldn’t be happening any other week night. That’s for damn sure. As a matter of fact, he wouldn’t even be home yet.
I guess the point I’m getting at … I don’t know what I want more … Life as it was, or life as it could be. Sure, I miss my friends … but do they miss me as much as I miss them? Maybe. It’s the life we were used to! For the first time, in a long time, I feel like people don’t care what others are doing. I never really did, anyhow. I’ve always cherished the life I have. I know how delicate life can be, or is. I know the struggles of every day life. I have lived them, more than once. I’m up for any challenge that is thrown at me … but I feel like it’s 1985 again … ya know, minus the technology part of the decade, that’s just added bonus at this point. I feel like, LIFE is simple again. Family is what is most important. Yes, while friends play a very important socialization role in all our lives, and I miss mine terribly … BUT, if I’m being honest … I’m still okay with being home, in “quarantine”, with my loves. I almost feel like a hypocrite, because I post on how I want shit to go back to “normal”, but I think I’m all right with this new normal. For the love of God, just don’t take away my lake this summer, and no one will get harmed! Ha!
Another thought … I’m almost afraid that when life does go back, I may be sad. I will miss my husband being here ALL THE TIME, when at the beginning, quite frankly, that scared the crap outta me. I’m afraid that all the conversations I’m having with my children, will go away … again. I say again, because when you are at a certain stage with your children, you are driving them EVERYWHERE. Those car ride coversations … ahhh, there really is nothing like them. Once they get their license, they are driving themselves … All those little, but more than meaningful conversations, went away. Now that we have all been back together, it’s been wonderful having those conversations again. Having my son’s sweet, handsome face in my presence when he comes home from work, (yes … he is essential) has just been the light of my life.
Maybe I’m just getting older. Feeling nostalgic. Feeling the burn of kids growing too fast. I needed to get these thoughts out on to paper. I need for people to believe that everything will be okay. It’s up to YOU to decide your future. How you roll with your own friends and family. I’m not here to judge anyone. I’ve never been that person, anyhow. You do you! I’m ready to start our new normal. I’m ready to hang around people again, in small doses, of course, but what I’m most ready for, and excited about, (and I promise you, this has been a long time coming), I’m ready to dedicate myself, a million percent, to making sure my kids feel the love they deserve. There is nothing greater than feeling loved and appreciated. I know that I’m already that person, but having lost, THE MOST IMPORTANT person in my life, almost two years ago, I haven’t really been the best version of me, that I know I AM! I know this. I accept this, and with this blog, comes the “new, OLD me“.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I hope it brings clarity to at least one person.